KILLING SMS
The Police are looking for a suspect who
is smart, sexy, witty & very good looking... So where are you gonna hide Me?
TRUE FRIENDS ARE LIKE MORNINGS: U CANT HAVE THE FOR THE WHOLE DAYBUT U CAN BE
SURE THEY WILL THERE WHEN UWAKE UP TOMMORROW, NEXT YEAR AND FOREVER
God made man and then rested, god made women and then no one rested
Jise dil diya who delhi chali gayi, Jise pyaar kiya who patna chali gayi, Socha
jeene me kya rakha hai khudkhushi kar loon, Bijlee ko chua to bijlee chali gayi.
Boys goes for blood test. Nurse takes the sample & cant find cotton so sucks
his finger. Boy is so happy he asks can I get a urine test done
Mantra for good & long Life:morning 2 eggs..,Eve 2 pegs..& In night
2..Legs
train ki patri par mat hagaa karo gaand kat jayegi,abhi toh haath se gaand dhote
ho kal gaand se haath dho baithoge!
a policeman arrested a prostitute.. pros..m not seeling sex policeman..then wht
r u doing pros..m selling condoms and offering free demonstration
never date a girl having an airtel connection coz. it says "touch tommorw"
always date a girl with hutch connection it says "break all barriers
it goes in dry, it comes out wet,the stronger its in the stronger it get,we can
have it in bed just u n me,not what u think ............ - teabag
what is a short thing that gets longer when a woman pulls it & cradles it
between her breats, and pushes it into a hole, WHAT IS IT? U DIRTY MIND! Its a
car seat-belt
A kiss is a gamble, sex is a game, boys do the action, girls get the blame, they
say u are pretty, they say u r fine, but 9 months latr they say "It`s not
mine"
british aged 90 married a 16yrs old.he had baby every year & bragged that
his engine was turbo.when 5th was born the nurse said,check engine oil baby is
black
mohabbat ke bhi kuch andaz hote hain ,jaagto aankhon ke bhi kuch khawab hote
hain,zarrori nahi ki gum mein hi aansu nikle,muskurati aankhon mein bhi sailab
hote hain
Q:) why dont men make hissing sound when they pass urine as women? A:) Because
they have a 6 inch. silencer
Q)why were the animals laughing seeing the naked tarzan A)they were wondering
how he had a tail in front
bewafa sanam se cigratte aachi hai ... Dil jalati hai magar hoto se to lagati
hai .. kaisi rahi !!
New Budget:All Boobs will be taxed according to sizes. 40-42:Burden tax.
38-40:Wealth tax. 34-36:Entertainment tax. 26-30:Developement tax.
ab kya rona dhona hai ab to bacha hona hai. us samay kyon nahi roi thi jab lipat
chipat ke soyi thi. ab kiya hai to bharo us samay kehti thi aur karo aur karo.
2 dicks went 2 see a movie one said 2 other` i hope its not a BLUE MOVIE, 2nd
dick asked "why? the one replied "yaar nahin to khade khade hi dekhni
padegi !!
Humne bhi pyar kiya tha jindgi main, badi josh ke sath! Humne bhi pyar kiya tha
jindgi main, badi shor ke sath! Aab hum pyar karenge badi soch ke sath ! Kyon ki
usey kal shamko dekha kisi aur ke sath
Aur bhi bahut si cheeze lut chu-ki hai dil ke saath Ye bataya dosto ne ishq
farmane ke baad Is liye kamray ki ek ek cheez "ckeck" karta hoon main
"Ek tere aane se pehle, ek tere jaa-ne ke baad"
A woman paid 500 Rs to Shop keeper. The shop keeper asked "mam did u keep
the note under ur bra. The woman surprised & ask how did u know.The keeper
says Gandhis mouth is wide open
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband. A man never worries
about the future until he gets a wife
Honey couple in Paris.Wife-Shall v go to effil tower 1st or the hotel
room.Husband- Pahle hotel room.Effil tower to kal bhi khada rahega.
Zakhm kuch aaise diyey hum ko ke phulo per soya n gaya, Jism jal kar khak ho
gaya aur aakhon se roya na gaya I trust you a lot because you are my friend but
why you talk behind my back? Why don’t you tell me frankly? Why must you tell
everybody I’m... very pretty! Why?
har ek muskurahat muskaan nahin hoti,nafrat ho ya mohabbat aasaan nahin
hoti,aasu gam ke aur khushi ke ek jaise hote hain,inki pehchaan aasaan nahin
hoti. unki gali ke chakkar kaat kaat kar kutte hamaare yaar ho gaye,woh to
hamare ho na sake,hum kutton ke sardar ho gaye..!!
A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn`t. A man marries a
woman expecting that she won`t change & she does.
whales ejaculate 400 gallons of sperm, out of which only 10goes into the mates
body. the rest is spilled into the sea. ever wonder why seawater tastes salty..?
Jise dil diya who delhi chali gayi, Jise pyaar kiya who patna chali gayi, Socha
jeene me kya rakha hai khudkhushi kar loon, Bijlee ko chua to bijlee chali gayi.
Son on his honeymoon phoned his mom asking what 2 do.
MOM:Put ur biggest thng on her hairiest thng. SON:got
my nose in her armpit. Now what?
The Police are looking for a suspect who is smart, sexy, witty & very good
looking... So where are you gonna hide Me?
Patharr kyun marte ho, pura pahaar maar do, Hum yuheeen mar jayenge, sirf ek
baar aankh maar do
A lady goes 2 a doctr nd asks whethr he can make a small hole beside her existin
1.doctor asks y.she replies,``cos i want to start a side busines
A husband was asked: Do u talk to your wife after sex?
His answer: Depends, if I can find a phone.
rooster&cat goin over bridge,cat slips&falls in
river.rooster cant stop laughin.wats D moral?whereva
therZ a wet pussy therZ a happy cock
LUV D WAY IT RUBS AGAINST D SOFT PINK FLESH N MAKES A
CREAMY FOAMY LIQUID AS IT THRUSTS IN&OUT,UP&DOWN,CAN`T
WAIT 4 NEXT TIME.LUV MY TOOTHBRUSH
Girl: Im like a radio,my mouth spkr,my left breast
tuner, right 1 volume. Man:Can I try?(touches d
breats)-no sound. Girl:U havent plugged in yet!
Nipple Nipple dont be far, can I press u in my car. Up
above the chest so high, always milky never dry. Let
me suck you, dont feel shy.
Man says to his wife: Let me take a picture of your
breasts, than I can always look at them. Wife: Let me
take a picture of you penis, I will have it enlarged
The sky is blue,grass is green,harder the fuck the
louder the scream,louder the scream the better the
fuck,give me a ring u might be in luck
Q:Who is stronger, Man Or Woman? A:A woman bcos she
lifts 2 mountains on her chest while a man lifts 2
stones with the help of a crane.
3 good manners of male penis. 1)Courteous-it stands before performing.
2)Emotional-it cries during the performance. 3)Polite-it bows down after the
performance.
Learn from your parents' mistakes - Use birth control!
What’s hairy on the outside and moist inside, begins with a 'C' ends with a
'T' and has U' and 'N' in the middle? Answer: 'COCUNUT'
Wat's the diff between pulling a curtain and a panty? ANS: When U pull a
curtain, it means tat the show is over. But pulling down a panty means IT'S
SHOWTIME
What did the girl's left leg say to her right leg? Between the two of us, we can
make a lot of money.
When im dead and in my grave, no more pussy i will crave. And upon my headstone
will be seen, here lies the bones of a f**king machine.
Press down... down more... Ok more... YES ahh ohh yes... almost there... yeah oh
shit harder... SO GOOD...! mmmmm... That's how I sex on text!
Man1: my wife is obsess w/ cars. While asleep, she holds my bird & say 'Ferari,Porsche...'
Man2: mine is worst, she puts my bird inside her & say 'Full Tank pls.
A girl asked, why cow seems depressed when being milked? Teacher: if every
morning they rub yours 4 30 minutes and don't fuck u, u will feel the same?
How do you keep 4 girls entertained in a bar? Turn the bar stool upside down
CUSTOMER NOTIFICATION. As of May 2001 Viagra will only be available through
chemists by its chemical name.So please ask for MYCOXAFLOPPIN. Thank you
Do you like maths, if so add a bed, subtract ur clothes, divide your legs and we
can multiply
NEWSFLASH* Snow white had been chucked out of Disney Land. She was reported 2
hav pulled up her skirt, sat on Pinnochio's face and shouted, 'LIE BASTARD LIE'
I really, deeply wish tat u r here wif me in my room, on my bed & lights is
off & we get under the cover together.. 2 show u my.. new watch tat glow in
the dark
Penis & Balls arguing. Balls: Hey, U r very unfair! Everytime u go in u
never bring us along, only u enjoy! Penis: Eh, U think its fun? I always keep
vomiting!
Last night I desperately missed you I wanted to feel u on my naked body. I had
to go to bed without you....where are u stupid pyjamas.....!
I love the way it rubs against the soft pink flesh.. and creates a creamy foamy
liquid as it thrusts in and out, up and down... Can’t wait to brush my teeth
I wish I were a ring Upon my girlfriend's hand, 'Cause everytime she'd wipe her
rear I'd see the promised land....
What is the dumbest part on a man's body? The penis. It has a head with no
brain, it hangs out with two nuts and it lives around the corner from an
asshole!
What did one saggy boob say to the other saggy boob? If we don't get some
support people are going to think we're nuts!
What did the Dick say to the Condom? 'Cover me!!! I'm going in...
I'd willingly fertilize Mary, And watch for 9 months her shape vary, From the
very first day, To the child-birth display, When her tits would turn into a
dairy.
how do you keep an idiot in suspense ??? ............. ............ ...tell you
later !!!
At this moment 5 million are having sex 2 million are in gun fights 91milliom at
a party and one sad fucker is reading this SMS
sex is good sex is funny many people fuck for money
but if you think sex is funny fuck yourself and safe your money
They say sugar is sweet N honey is 2, but baby wat do I call U? U R sexier than
sexy N hotter than that 2! therez only 1 name 4 U and it is '2 good 2 be true'!
SEX is My Fav. I Do it regularly. Do it & Feel Gd! U'll enjoy it! I'll Die
w/out SEX, S-Sleep, E-Eat, X-xercise, So do it everiday, gd for u
Love is a name, Sex is a game. Forget the name and play the game!
Sex is a sensation caused by temptation when a man puts his location in a
woman's destination. Do u get my explanation, or do u need a demonstration?!
MONEY: can buy a house, but not a HOME. can buy a clock, but not TIME. can buy
sex, but not LOVE. So pass me all ur $ n let me suffer 4 U
Dear God, thank you for making me healthy. Can you also make me sexy? If you
can't make me sexy, please make all my friends fat
I need a hug, I need touch, I need tender, I need a kiss, I need love, I need
sex, I need you!
U've got SEX APPEAL ... U've got INTELLIGENCE ... U've got CLASS ... U got da
FACE, U got da BODY ... I got the wrong number ... SORRY
There is Hot-sex, Fast-sex, Group-sex, Safe-sex, Leather-sex, Telephone-sex, and
for people with your face ...NO SEX !
What's the speed limit of sex? Sixty-eight! At 69 you have to turn around...
hey! what happen 2 your hp? tried calling alot of times. everytime i dial your
no, operator kept sayin 'THE SUBSCRIBER U CALLING IS HAVING SEX, PLS TRY LATER'
A woman is like a kentuckey fried chicken, it has legs ,breasts and a greasy box
to stick your bone in.
Twinkle, twinkle little rectum big cocks cum when you least expect them, never
mind the screams of passion whoop it up with doggy fashion
There are 4 animal species a woman needs in her life: Jaguar in her garage,
mink in her closet, tiger in her bed!
And of course a donkey to pay her bills!!
A guy call into work and says: Boss I can´t come to work to day, I´m sick.
Boss asks: How sick are you?
The guy says: I´m fucking my sister how sick is that?
Sex is like nokia -connecting people
like Nike -just do it
Like Pepsi -ask for more
Like Samsung -everyone is invited
and like me -TO GOOD TO BE TRUE!
Roses are red, violets are blue, I was born beautiful, but what the hell happend
to you?
Husband : business is going down, if u can learn 2 cook we can remove bawarchi ?
Wife : Gandu if u learn 2 fuck we can remove driver ,gardener and watchman
Agar Reliance condom banayega to slogan kya hoga ? Karlo chudai chutki mein .
Mere papa ka sapna, sabki chut mein apna
What is rape ? Rape is sexual operation withoutco-operation, Where there is
insertion of an erection into a depression without permission
Dean : Anyone found going towards girls hostel will be fined Rs.200/= for the
1st time, Rs.500/= for the 2nd time & Rs.1000/= for 3rd time. Boy : Sir
whats the cost of season pass......
wat did bipasha say when she got tired of sex? JOHN-AB-RAHAM karo.
Dosti karo collage wali se, pyar office wali se, programmer padoswali se, ankh
ladao sali se,love karo dil wali se & mar kaho ghar wali se...
good friends are like good windows..they let in the light and keep out the
rain..
Two men met at a bus stop and struck up a conversation. One of them kept
complaining of family problems. Finally, the other man said: "You think you
have family problems? Listen to my situation." "A few years ago I met
a young widow with a grown-up daughter. We got married and got myself a
stepdaughter. Later, my father married my stepdaughter. That made my
stepdaughter, my step-mother. And my father became my stepson. Also, my wife
became mother-in-law of her father-in-law." "Much later the da
You know what the big chimney told the small chimney. You are too young to smoke
1.Why r men thinkers & woman talkers?A:Becoz men hv 2 heads&women 4
lips.
2.Young guy with green,red & blue hair 2 old man staring at him: What`s the
matter.Never done anything wild? Oldie:Yeah,Fucked a peacock once Wondering if
ur my son.
Tarun: How should I convey the news to my father that I`ve failed? Dinesh: You
just send a telegram,Result declared past year performance repeated
Sex Law:Availability is a function of time. The minute you get interested is the
minute they find someone else
There may be some things better than sex, and some things worse than sex. But
there is nothing exactly like it.
Murphy`s Sex Laws: When the lights are out, all women are beautiful
Murphy`s Sex Laws: Before you find your handsome prince, you`ve got to kiss a
lot of frogs
Murphy`s Sex Laws: Nothing improves with age.
The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret
a psychotherapist relised tht his patients hv stoped coming to his clinc.he
cudnt make out y,until he relisd the new name plate say"psycho-the rapist
Son:is god male or female,Dad:both.Son:is god black or white,Dad:both,Son: is
God Micheal jackson
Suna hi ki isaq me sabki neened ud jaati hai, Kash hamse bhi koi isaq kare, Hame
neend bahut aati hai
Dr.talks to patient getting no erection. MArried? No. U mastrubat? No. U visit
prosts? No. U`ve g.friends? NO. To khada karke kya calender tangega?
A SARDARJI is in the library , he bangs down a book and says :" too boring,
too many characters and no story. LIBRARIAN says : oh! U r the one who took the
phone directory away??
A beautiful young bride said to her 80 yr old husband :Sweetie , lets go
upstairs and make love .He replied:Make a choice , I can`t do both.
Ladies hostel caught Fire.. it took 1 hour to bring the fire under
control........ and another 3 hours to bring the firemen under control.
A prostitute walks under a banana tree....and the banana shouts hey u
prostitute.... prostitute gets angry and shouts back ..... shut up u
substitute....
Agar tujhme himmat hai to, Kutub minar hila kar dikha, Agar tujhme himmat hai
to, Kutub minar hila kar dikha, Aur agar nahin, to mere paas baith, do ghoonth
maar, Aur kutub minar ko hilta hua dekh.
Shahjahan ne Taj Mahal ki har deewar ko dekha, Har meenar ko dekha, har kaaleen
ko dekha, Har dar aur deewar ko dekha, Har lage huey khambe ko dekha, Har khidki
se dekha, aur bola, (guess .kya bola hoga???) MAA KASAM!!! BAHUT KHARCHA HO GAYA!!!
never FUCK a Tel-Operator, after 3 min. she`ll say ur time over. Never FUCK a
Nurse she`ll say next pls.. But FUCK a Teacher, she`ll say good, now repeat 5
times
somking decreases 5mins of life. sex increases 10mins of life. so,conclusion: a
fucking smoker never dies.
Teacher: What do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no
longer interested? Pupil: A teacher
Every girl wants one guy to meet all her needs, while every guy wants all the
girls to meet his one need
How do u know if a mouse has taken viagra?Ans:He`s strolling abt the kitchen
sayin,"Where the hell is the pussy now..eh?!!!
4 Miracles of a Woman Getting wet without taking a SHOWER Bleeding without
getting HURT Giving milk without eating GRASS,& Mking Boneless meat HARD!!!
Lady to a Doc: an ant entered my vagina pls help.Doc removes her panty &
starts having sex with her. Lady:what r u doing, Doc:this is the only way 2
drown the bastard
Executive comes late home aftr having dogstyle sex wth his secretry at the
office. Wife:Were hav u been? He shouts:sara din office mein kutte ki tara laga
raha.
Once a sadhu went to a prostitute and after completing, while leaving the
prostitute asked "baba, Paise." He replied"Pagli tujhse paise
thodi loonga."
Children playing outside the car can cause accident...and...adults playing
inside the car can cause children by accident!.
Sardarji to friend:"Pls tel me a joke which does not involve
me".Friend:"Ur wife is pregnant nd u r not involved".
The most important things you`ll need to get started - as they say - are a big
heart and a small ego.
Sardar apni bibi se kahta hai maine ladka maanga tha ladki kaise ho gayi?
Sardarni retorts tumhare bharose rahati to ye bhi nahi hoti.
Daddy: Beta today is UR birth day call UR friends evening, Hey Kya kar rahe ho?
Showcase ka saman under kyu dal rahe ho ? Son : Evening ko dost log pahchnege na
Banta Singh: "Yaar Santa, last year the name-plate outside your house read
Santa Singh, B.A. This year it reads Santa Singh, M.A.When did you finish your
Masters Degree?" Santa Singh: "You don`t understand. Last year my wife
died, I put B.A. to indicate Bachelor Again. Then I took a second wife, So M.A.
is Married Again."
wat is the most sensitive part of the body durin masturbation? Ans:ur
ears-listening 4 footsteps
A good friend is like a computer; me `enter` ur life, `save` u in my heart,
`format` ur problems, `shift` u 2 opportunities
1st man: My wife dreamt last night and thought she was married to a millionaire.
2nd man: you are lucky. My wife thinks that in the daytime
A divorced Couple were contesting for possession of the child.. The mother said:
"I gave birth to him - he`s mine"; The father said: "I put a coin
in the pepsi machine and a can comes out - the pepsi belongs to me! not to the
machine !!"
Lady : "I want a good vibrator"; Salesman: "Ma`am you may select
one from our range that is displayed on that wall"; Lady : "O.K. I`ll
take that red one"; Salesman: "Sorry, that`s our
fire-extinguisher";
Paint a portrait of life to be proud of that could not be sold for all the money
on earth. Hang that portrait in your mind and understand its ever presence.
Reflect on every brush stroke that makes all the mountains and valleys and
rivers and skies the most beautiful in the land. Share your portrait with others
but beware their brushes. Select only those whose brush will add to the beauty
and structure of your masterpiece
Teacher: kya cheez muh mein nahin leni chahiye. Student: jalta hua bulb Teacher:
why Student: kal raat ko mummy papa se keh rdhi thi "bulb bujha do to muh
mein loongi"
always start ur day with a lot of.. S E X S-mile E-nthusiasm X-citement so make
S E X a daily häbìt, see Ur smìlng! You had SEX already ha?
Husband reading a book on bed with wife beside. His fingers went to tease wife`s
pussy. Wife ask: You want sex? "No, just to wet my fingers to turn the
page."
A true friend is like a bra. Comfortable, supportive, prevents you from falling,
holds you tight & is always close to your heart.
Sardarji was watching funeral ceremony with binnoculars?bcos yar dur ka ristedar
tha
woman complaing 2 dentist:its so painful,I`d rather get pregnant than have a
tooth filled,Dentist:decide now so I can adjust chair
A prostitute`s nursery rhyme: One two lets screw,Three four I`m a whore,Five six
suck the dick,Seven eight ejaculate, Nine ten fuck me again.
Man coming home very tired after work his wife tells him that the shower is not
working. Man replies "I am not a plumber. Just call the plumber" Next
day Man coming home very tired Wife tells him that the cupboard door has broken
and needs to be replaced. Man replies "I am not a carpenter. Call the
Carpenter" Third day Man coming home very tired from work Wife says
"honey the work is done. The young boy from the neighborhood came and did
the work for me. He repaired the cupbo
How do you recognize a Sardar in School, he is the one who erases the books when
the teacher erases the board
Tony Greg to Mandira Bedi : that` a gorgeous dairy farm u own,Mandira:its not a
dairy farm ,it’s a poultry farm ,It has never failed 2 raise cocks
What bitches say during sex - English bitch:Oh yes, Oh yes !! American bitch:
Yeah baby, yeah baby !! Pakistani bitch: Ahista abbu..!!!
Happiness is like a Butterfly, U run after it, it keeps flying away. If u stand
still it comes and sits on ur shoulder……. HAVE THE HAPPIEST MOMENTS EVERYDAY
A Mom asks her daughter about her married life. She shyly replies: British
Airways. Mom sees the advt and is shocked: 7 days a week, twice a day, both
ways.
: a blonde,a burnet, and a red head go for a ultra sound and the burnet
says"I think i'm having a girl".the red head say's "I think I'm
having a boy"The blonde say's "How do you know ?"They say it's
all about the position. "ohh>I'm having PUPPY"s"
A man said his credit card was stolen but he decided not to report it because
the thief was spending less than his wife did.
When men want something they ask for it. When women want something they make a
point distantly related to the subject and wait for a response.
What do you call a woman who is beautiful, intelligent, understanding, and a
great cook? -Ans: A rumour!!
how can coffee & a girlfriend be like? 1) she has to be rich, 2) she has to
be hot, 3) she has to be creamy & 4) she has to keep you up all night
A good friend is like a computer; me `enter` ur life, `save` u in my heart,
`format` ur problems, `shift` u 2 opportunities
what is the similarity between colgate and a condom? ans: meri big super
shakti,meri big suraksha
Define confidence ... Your wife catches u in bed with another woman & u slap
her on the ass n say “ You r next”